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How to Help Each of Your Children Feel Special

January 16, 2013 By Deb Chitwood 8 Comments

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How to Help Each of Your Children Feel Special“Fairness does not mean everyone gets the same. Fairness means everyone gets what they need.” – Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid

If you have more than one child, you’ve probably worried at one time or another about whether you’re helping each child feel special. I have two children who were born five years apart, so I had it easier than many families to be able to give plenty of attention to both.

But, regardless of the size or spacing of your family, there are some things you can do that will help you acknowledge the needs and interests of each of your children. If we work to meet the unique needs and interests of each of our children, they are more likely to feel that life is fair and they are special.

Disclosure: This post contains an affiliate link.

Here are some ideas on helping each of your children feel special:

Observe Your Children to See that You’re Following Their Interests and Needs

This is a fundamental Montessori principle and one that is helpful for any child at any age. Here’s one of my most popular posts on Montessori principles at Living Montessori Now: Top 10 Montessori Principles for Natural Learning. Your children will have an easier time learning something they’re interested in, and you’ll show your children respect for who they truly are by following their interests. If you’d like to create some educational activities based on your children’s interests, you’ll find lots of ideas in this post: Should You Use Unit Studies?

Honor Each Child’s Unique Personality and Learning Style

It’s easy for children to be very different from one or both of their parents and even different from anyone else in the family. My family has found the study of personality types fascinating and very helpful in understanding and appreciating each family member’s unique temperament. We used the “Kiersey Temperament Sorter” (found in Please Understand Me II). My immediate family as well as my parents and siblings have all taken the simple question-and-answer test, and it’s helped us all understand each other better. TurtleHead has an interesting series on the Myers-Briggs for Children. (Note: the “Kiersey Temperament Sorter” is a variation of Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

I also like the 5 Love Languages for understanding both children and adults. Here’s a post at Living Montessori Now with links to resources for the 5 Love Languages as well as other resources on helping find and follow your child’s unique learning style: How to Help Your Child through Natural Learning.

If your children feel understood and appreciated for who they are, they’re more likely to feel special.

I think this video is a thought-provoking reminder of why each child’s unique learning style is so important:

Be Sure Your Children Know You Appreciate Who They Are, Rather Than How They Look

You’ll find more about this in this post: Top 5 Tips for Raising Children with Good Self Esteem.

Encourage Your Children’s Efforts

Research today says that it’s most important to encourage effort. This goes perfectly with Montessori principles. I wrote more about this in A Montessori Approach to Praise.

Use Positive Communication and Discipline Techniques with Your Children

I also have discipline articles at Living Montessori Now on communication and positive discipline techniques that show respect for your children while meeting their need for internal and external discipline.

As a Family, Try to Support Each Child’s Extracurricular Activities

We loved centering our family vacations around our children’s interests and activities. I have a post here on the joys everyone can share by encouraging each other’s activities: Don’t Forget Family.

Your children can be each other’s best supporters. Check out this moving video of brotherly love and support for a brother’s sports activity:

Try to Spend Alone Time with Each Child

As homeschoolers, my husband and I were lucky to be able to individualize our children’s education and spend extra time with our children. While this is much harder if you don’t have as much time to spend with your children or have a large family, spending special time with each child is priceless. My son, Will, was an only child for five years and two days. That gave my husband and me lots of opportunities to observe his needs and interests and let him know he was special just as he was.

One of my greatest opportunities to develop an extra close relationship with my daughter, Christina, was when she moved to England at age 16 to compete in ice dance for Great Britain. Because she was just 16, I moved with her and lived in England for a year and half. (See my About page for more information about my family.) Will was 21 at the time, but he lived at home with Terry until Will moved to San Diego shortly after turning 22. The time living with Christina in England gave Christina and me an amazing closeness as well as memories we’ll always treasure. Will and Terry became even closer during their time living without us, too. Even though it was very difficult to not have our whole family together for that time, it really showed just how important it is to have special alone time with each child. Rebekah from The Golden Gleam has a helpful post for large families: Schedule Time to Play with Each Child in Large Families.

Remember to Give Affection and Say “I Love You” to Each Child

This is simple and obvious, but it helps to have special times to say “I Love You” or give affection in addition to spontaneous hugs and “I love yous.” It was easy for my husband and me to be affectionate with our children, and our daughter, Christina, made sure we never forgot. Christina was always very affectionate and even wanted me to sing the Barney “I Love You” song with her every night before bed. She got us into positive habits such as ending every phone call to our close family members with “I love you.” Lots of sincere “I love you’s” are good for any child (or adult).

Parenting any child has unique challenges. At the same time, if you focus on meeting each of your children’s needs and interests, you have a great likelihood of helping each of your children feel special.

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Previous article: “Achieving Your Goals” Word Art Freebie
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Filed Under: Parents' Role, self-esteem Tagged With: how to help each of your children feel special, parent's role, self-esteem

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Vicky says

    January 17, 2013 at 8:38 am

    Great tips Deb. I struggle with this with my kids. That quote about fairness was hanging in one of my teaching classes at grad school. Pinning this!

    Reply
    • Deb says

      January 17, 2013 at 9:38 pm

      Thanks so much, Vicky! I think we all wonder about it if we have more than one child. Thanks so much for pinning. I had just pinned your cute birthday party playdough post this evening! 🙂

      Reply
  2. LuAnn Braley says

    January 22, 2013 at 5:16 am

    I have one son with some sensory-processing differences and am always looking for ways to help him feel special without making him feel “special”, if that makes sense.
    Twitter: KentuckyGal

    Reply
    • Deb says

      January 25, 2013 at 12:14 am

      Thanks for your comment, LuAnn. Hopefully, if you focus on your son’s interests and talents, he’ll be able to feel special in a very positive way. 🙂

      Reply
  3. Katie says

    January 4, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    This has been a joy to read! I also love the fairness quote — it is so true. It is wonderful to hear more about that special time you and your daughter had in England together. I wish my own mother and I had been closer growing up, but all I can do now is offer the gift of a close relationship with my own children.

    Reply
  4. Dan R Morris says

    March 28, 2014 at 11:18 pm

    Great post. Looking forward to seeing you at 2:1 🙂

    Dan
    Twitter: danrmorris

    Reply
  5. Katherine says

    June 12, 2015 at 5:46 am

    Great tips! I’ve three kids and I could really use this. I actually date my kids individually and it absolutely made them feel special. Thanks for this! Really helpful! Looking forward for more.
    Twitter: bridgewayvoice

    Reply
  6. Hannah says

    July 4, 2016 at 7:52 am

    Great tips! I have 4 kids, several of whom have medical needs so the others tend to fall through the cracks. I’ve been trying to be purposeful on making each individual child feel special.
    Twitter: sunshineNspoons

    Reply

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