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Best Gentle Discipline Quotes

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Disciplining children is often thought of as one of the most difficult parts of being a parent or teacher. Discipline is essential, but it doesn’t have to be harsh. Gentle discipline really does work. I used it with my own kids, and I’m very proud of the adults they’ve become.

Here are some of my favorite gentle discipline quotes. You’ll find lots of wonderful inspiration here along with some helpful advice.

Best Gentle Discipline QuotesGentle Discipline Quotes

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L.R. Knost Quotes

“It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.” L.R. Knost, Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting Through the Ages and Stages

“Parents, choose your words wisely, carefully, thoughtfully. In the same way that violence begets violence and anger begets anger, kindness begets kindness and peace begets peace. Sow words of peace, words that build, words that show respect and belief and support.” L.R. Knost, Whispers Through Time: Communication Through the Ages and Stages of Childhood

“Here’s the thing, effective parenting and, more specifically, effective discipline, don’t require punishment. Equating discipline with punishment is an unfortunate, but common misconception. The root word in discipline is actually disciple which in the verb form means to guide, lead, teach, model, and encourage. In the noun form disciple means one who embraces the teaching of, follows the example of, and models their life after.” L.R. Knost, The Gentle Parent: Positive, Practical, Effective Discipline

“Discipline is helping a child solve a Problem. Punishment is making a child suffer for having a problem. To raise problem solvers, focus on solution not retribution.” L.R. Knost

“Remember, no matter the problem, kindness is always the right response. When your child is having a problem, stop, listen, then respond to the need, not the behavior. The behavior can be addressed later, after the need has been met, because only then is the door to effective communication truly open.” L.R. Knost, Whispers Through Time: Communication Through the Ages and Stages of Childhood

“Want to help stop the bullying epidemic? Don’t act like a bully. Don’t hit, threaten, ignore, isolate, intimidate, ridicule, or manipulate your child. Children really do learn what they live…” L.R. Knost, The Gentle Parent: Positive, Practical, Effective Discipline

Jan Hunt Quote

“Children raised with love and compassion will be free to use their time as adults in meaningful and creative ways, rather than expressing their childhood hurts.” Jan Hunt
 

Hilary Flower Book Quotes

“I want my girls to see their relationship with me as a place of refuge, a place they can retreat to for honesty, unconditional love, and support. I want to teach them and have them trust me, not fear me. I want to preserve the gentle souls that I see in them.” -Liz. M.” Hilary Flower,  Adventures in Gentle Discipline: A Parent-to-Parent Guide
 
“By making eye-contact, getting down to your child’s level, offering a touch, or using a tone of your voice that conveys a desire to genuinely connect, you disarm yourself. You make it possible to reach your child more deeply and truly move forward together.” Hilary Flower, Adventures in Gentle Discipline: A Parent-to-Parent Guide
 
“Overall, your want to present yourself to your child as an ally, empathetic to his feelings, and responsive to his needs – even when your needs are conflicting. If your goal is to enlist your child’s cooperation in changing his behavior, find ways to be as aligned with his emotionally as possible. By earning your child’s trust, you are much more likely to reach him with your point of view than if you approach him in opposition.” Hilary Flower, Adventures in Gentle Discipline: A Parent-to-Parent Guide

Peggy O’Mara Quotes

“Hitting is never the best way to teach a child. Even in the case of real danger – as when a child runs out into the road – you can grab him, sit him down, look him in the eyes, and tell him why he must never do that again. The panic in your voice will communicate your message much more effectively than any spanking. You can be dramatic without being abusive.” Peggy O’Mara
 
“Effective discipline is based on loving guidance. It is based on the belief that children are born innately good and that our role as parents is to nurture their spirits as they learn about limits and boundaries, rather than to curb their tendencies toward wrongdoing. Effective discipline presumes that children have reasons for their behavior and that cooperation can be engaged to solve shared problems.” Peggy O’Mara

Rebecca Eanes Quotes

“So often, children are punished for being human. Children are not allowed to have grumpy moods, bad days, disrespectful tones, or bad attitudes, yet we adults have them all the time! We think if we don’t nip it in the bud, it will escalate and we will lose control. Let go of that unfounded fear and give your child permission to be human. We all have days like that. None of us are perfect, and we must stop holding our children to a higher standard of perfection than we can attain ourselves. All of the punishments you could throw at them will not stamp out their humanity, for to err is human, and we all do it sometimes.” Rebecca Eanes, The Newbie’s Guide to Positive Parenting
 
“When you’ve had one call after another and your little one is tugging on your shirt, remember what really matters. When the milk is splattered all over the floor and those little eyes are looking at you for your reaction, remember what really matters. It takes 5 minutes to clean up spilled milk; it takes much longer to clean up a broken spirit.” Rebecca Eanes, The Newbie’s Guide to Positive Parenting
 
“The best leaders are gentle. In our culture, we have been misled to believe that the tougher we are, the more respect we will gain, but that is simply not true. What we gain by being tough is fear, and fear is not respect. Respect is gained by giving it away.” Rebecca Eanes, The Newbie’s Guide to Positive Parenting Second Edition
 

“1. My role is to guide and teach my child appropriate behavior. 2. My child learns through the examples set in the home and through the limits that are set and enforced respectfully and with empathy. 3. While I am the leader, my child has equal rights to be respected and to be heard.” Rebecca Eanes, The Newbie’s Guide to Positive Parenting Second Edition

Thomas Gordon Quotes

“Power suppresses creativity and productivity; it is hazardous to the health and well-being of both the controller and the controllee. Power generates the forces that will inevitably destroy or replace it; power bites its own tail; it stifles creative dissent; it extinguishes trust, fellowship, intimacy, and love; power entraps the controller as it enslaves the controllee.” Thomas Gordon, Teaching Children Self Discipline: At Home and At School

“Active Listening provides parents with a way of moving in and offering to help the child define the problem for herself, and starting up the process of problem-solving within the child.” Thomas Gordon, Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children
 
“It is one of those simple but beautiful paradoxes of life: When a person feels that he is truly accepted by another, as he is, then he is freed to move from there and to begin to think about how he wants to change, how we wants to grow, how he can become different, how he might become more of what he is capable of being.” Thomas Gordon, Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children

Janet Lansbury Quotes

“Imagine driving over a bridge in the dark. If the bridge has no railings, we will drive across it slowly and tentatively. But if we see railings on either side of us, we can drive over the bridge with ease and confidence. This is how a young child feels in regard to limits in his environment.”  Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
 
“Boundaries and discipline, when offered non-punitively and in the context of empathy and respect, are gifts we should feel proud of and one of the highest forms of love.” Janet Lansbury, Elevating Child Care: A Guide To Respectful Parenting
 

“It’s always hardest to remember to acknowledge a child in the heat of a difficult moment, but if a child can hear anything during a temper tantrum, it reassures him to hear our recognition of his point-of-view. “You wanted an ice cream cone and I said ‘no’. It’s upsetting not to get what you want.” When a toddler feels understood, he senses the empathy behind our limits and corrections. He still resists, cries, and complains, but at the end of the day, he knows we are with him, always in his corner. These first years will define our relationship for many years to come.” Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

Jane Nelsen Quotes

“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?” Jane Nelsen, Positive Discipline: The Classic Guide to Helping Children Develop Self-Discipline, Responsibility, Cooperation, and Problem-Solving Skills

“If you want to leave the park and your child isn’t ready to go, give her a hug and say, “You’re really upset right now. I know you want to stay, but it’s time to leave.” Then hold your child and let her experience her feelings before you move on to the next activity. If you were instead to pamper your child by letting her stay at the park longer, she doesn’t have the opportunity to learn from experience that she can survive disappointment.” Jane Nelsen, Positive Discipline: The First Three Years: From Infant to Toddler–Laying the Foundation for Raising a Capable, Confident Child

“The feeling behind words is often most evident in our tone of voice. Adding humiliation violates the basic concept of mutual respect. It also changes what could be a logical consequence into punishment, which won’t achieve positive long-term effects. If a child spills milk on the floor, the logical consequence (or solution) would be for her to clean it up. It remains a logical consequence (or solution) so long as the adult engages the child through kind but firm words, such as “Whoops, what do you need to do about that?” Notice how much more engaging it is to ask the child what needs to be done instead of telling her. Asking instead of telling is one of the most effective Positive Discipline methods you will learn and is discussed in more detail in chapter six. Telling invites resistance and rebellion. Respectfully involving children invites them to feel capable to use their power in contributing ways. A request becomes a punishment when adults don’t use a tone of voice that is kind and respectful or adds humiliation, such as, “How can you be so clumsy? Clean that up right now, and let me pour the milk from now on since you can’t seem to get it right.” Jane Nelsen, Positive Discipline: The Classic Guide to Helping Children Develop Self-Discipline, Responsibility, Cooperation, and Problem-Solving Skills

Magda Gerber Quotes

“We all need someone who understands.” – Magda Gerber”
 
“Educarers demonstrate love by showing and teaching respect.” Magda Gerber

Laura Markham Quotes

“What matters most: Stay connected and never withdraw your love, even for a moment. The deepest reason kids cooperate is that they love you and want to please you. Above all, safeguard your relationship with your child. That’s your only leverage to have any influence on your child. It’s what your child needs most. And that closeness is what makes all the sacrifices of parenting worth it.” Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting
 
“Most parents think that if our child would just “behave,” we could maintain our composure as parents. The truth is that managing our own emotions and actions is what allows us to feel peaceful as parents. Ultimately we can’t control our children or the hand life deals them—but we can always control our own actions. Parenting isn’t about what our child does, but about how we respond.” Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting
 
“Because no matter how bad your child’s behavior, it’s a cry for help. Sometimes the behavior requires a firm limit, but it never requires us to be mean. And you can’t help your child while you’re shouting.” Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting
 
“Kids raised from birth on to feel safe expressing their emotions, who feel their parents are on their side, aren’t perfect. They’re easier to parent, though, because they’re better at managing their emotions, and therefore their behavior. They’re more willing to accept our guidance.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

Sarah Ockwell-Smith Quote

“When your child presses your buttons and you feel yourself getting stressed or angry you should absolutely not discipline them until you are calm. Take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds and slowly exhale. Repeat as often as necessary until you can think more clearly. Sometimes, you may have to give yourself time out. That is, move away from your child temporarily, so that you can think more clearly.” Sarah Ockwell-Smith, Gentle Discipline: Using Emotional Connection–Not Punishment–to Raise Confident, Capable Kid

Amy McCready Quotes

“UNIVERSAL TRUTH…kids have a HARD-WIRED NEED for emotional connection and POSITIVE attention.” “If we don’t fill their attention basket DAILY with individual time and attention – they’ll get our attention but in NEGATIVE WAYS – whining, tantrums, power struggles, etc.” Amy McCready
 
Answer to question: “How can I make them stop misbehaving?” “Believe it or not – it has nothing to do with a consequence!! It is spending 1-on-1 time with your kids on a daily basis filling their attention baskets. We call it Mind, Body & Soul Time. Honestly – do this daily and you’ll see misbehavior start to fall off the radar screen!” Amy McCready
 

Maria Montessori Quotes

The undisciplined child enters into discipline by working in the company of others; not being told he is naughty … Discipline is, therefore, primarily a learning experience and less a punitive experience if appropriately dealt with.” Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind

“At some given moment it happens that the child becomes deeply interested in a piece of work; we see it in the expression on his face, his intense concentration, the devotion to the exercise.
That child has entered upon the path of discipline.” Maria Montessori, The Discovery of the Child

It is our object to train the child for activity, for work, for doing good, and not for immobility or passivity. It would seem to me that children are very well disciplined indeed when they can move about a room in a useful, intelligent and free fashion, without doing anything rude or unmannerly. Maria Montessori, The Discovery of the Child


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What is your favorite gentle discipline quote?

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