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How to Stop Phubbing Your Family

October 24, 2015 By Deb Chitwood 11 Comments

Previous article: The Elephant in the Room
Next article: How to Be Your Child’s Best Cheerleader: 3 Sentences to Remember
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Are you a phubber? If you’re phubbing your family, it’s time to stop. And I have some tips to help you.

How to Stop Phubbing Your Family

 

Snubbing + Phone = Phubbing

Macmillan Dictionary defines phubbing as “the activity of being impolite in a social situation by looking at your phone instead of paying attention to the person you are with.”

 

Image attribution: By SrKoke (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

 

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links (at no cost to you).

How to Stop Phubbing

 1. Recognize what you’re doing.

Be honest with yourself. Has a loved one complained that you can’t keep your eyes off your cell phone? Maybe you’ve even had arguments over it.

In the Yahoo article “Stop Phubbing Up Your Relationship,” you’ll read about the negative effects of phubbing along with thought-provoking questions.

Dr. James A. Roberts has a book called Too Much of a Good Thing: Are You Addicted to Your Smartphone? He has an excerpt of the book at Huffington Post in an article called “To Phubb or Not to Phubb.” In it, you’ll find an “Are You a Phubber?” quiz with 9 simple-to-answer questions.

Check out this video. Does it look familiar?

2. Think about what’s most important to you.

I think of myself as a recovering phubber. It took my husband getting tongue cancer for me to realize that I needed to change my behavior. When my husband and I went out to eat or to do errands, I liked to do work on my iPhone while we drove to our destination. I rationalized that I needed to do that because I work online. While I love my work, my family is still the most important, and that needs to take top priority.

Even though my husband’s tongue cancer was diagnosed early enough that it was cured easily and with a very positive prognosis, it was a wake-up call. It was shocking enough to make me think about the unthinkable thought of losing him or another loved one. I also thought about my granddaughter and research showing that children need eye contact to develop empathy.

Maybe for you, it’s the thought of your kids as adults. Will their memories be of you focusing on your phone instead of on them? I’m thankful that smartphones (even the Internet) weren’t around when my kids were little. While I love smartphones and the Internet, I know how difficult it is to maintain a balance today.

3. Make rules to help yourself stop phubbing.

Make rules for going places with family members or friends.

I made rules that when I’m going someplace with my husband, my iPhone stays in my purse or backpack. If we’re talking, doing errands, or eating in a restaurant, I’m not working on my phone. I only use it if I get a call from another family member.

I do allow myself to work online if I’m waiting for my husband or another family member when we’re out. For example, if I’m waiting while my daughter tries on something in a store dressing room, I can work on my iPhone then.

Make rules for family meals.

During family meals, my phone isn’t at the table. My husband, kids, kids-in-law, granddaughter, and I like to go out to eat together for special occasions. Even though all the adults have busy lives and businesses that require us to be online or use smartphones a lot, you won’t typically see us looking at our phones. It makes for much happier memories!

Make rules for any other times that are a problem for your family.

Are there other times that your phone use is making your family feel snubbed? If that’s the case, have an honest discussion about what needs to be changed.

Have a Happy and Phub-Free Life!

Stop PhubbingLife is better for everyone without phubbing.

Read “25 Reasons We All Need to Stop Phubbing Each Other” on Buzzfeed. It’s a fun read and a good eye-opener.

Check out StopPhubbing.com.

Montessori at Home or School: How to Teach Grace and CourtesyMy book Montessori at Home or School: How to Teach Grace and Courtesy is for teaching manners to 2-12 year olds. Elementary-age kids need to know cell-phone courtesy, so I’ve included it in the book. You can help your kids avoid the habit of phubbing before it gets started.

I wish you and your family a happy and phub-free life!

And I’d love to hear any tips you’ve used to stop phubbing.

Deb Chitwood

 

I have lots of word-art inspiration at the Bits of Positivity Facebook page and on Pinterest!

Photo Credit: Main image at top of post by stylephotographs.

Main image in Stop Pubbing graphic by vi73.

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Previous article: The Elephant in the Room
Next article: How to Be Your Child’s Best Cheerleader: 3 Sentences to Remember

Filed Under: Parents' Role, self-esteem Tagged With: dangers of smartphones, distracted parents, how to stop phubbing, iPhone, negative influences of technology, parenting, phub, phubbing, smartphones, stop phubbing

Previous Post: « The Elephant in the Room
Next Post: How to Be Your Child’s Best Cheerleader: 3 Sentences to Remember »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Jamie says

    October 24, 2015 at 7:41 am

    It drives me crazy when people do this. I went to eat cupcakes with my friends at this gorgeous little place. The cupcakes were so pretty, but they spent about 15 minutes taking photos, and then the next 15 minutes instagramming and tweeting about it while eating, completely ignoring each other. Yes, please, stop the phubbing!
    Twitter: spaceoutface

    Reply
  2. Steven Mathews says

    October 24, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    Smartphones are both a blessing and a curse. People have forgotten how to communicate without one.

    Reply
  3. Bogdan Sebastian says

    October 24, 2015 at 9:57 pm

    intersting post and good. i like this
    Twitter: BogdanSebastyan

    Reply
  4. Ioana Mohora says

    October 25, 2015 at 2:04 am

    very intersting post
    Twitter: ioana_mohora

    Reply
  5. Frank says

    October 25, 2015 at 11:42 am

    Deb,

    I was just having this conversation with my wife the other day. So many times, I have caught myself being completely distracted from my family as we sat at the dinner table or even at work I found my productivity slipping because I was so distracted by my phone. We now are putting in systems to protect us from unintentionally ignoring one another. One thing we do is put all of our devices away for about 3 hours around dinner and family time. This had made a huge difference so far.\\

    I really appreciate the insight you added as I know it is going to help me greatly.

    Reply
  6. Anna M says

    October 25, 2015 at 11:43 pm

    Wow This is great!

    Reply
  7. Belinda says

    October 26, 2015 at 8:58 pm

    I love this word!! It is time we started noticing how we feel when things like this happen to us and therefore be aware of our own actions!
    Twitter: B_Letchford

    Reply
  8. Kristy as Giftie Etcetera says

    October 27, 2015 at 5:34 am

    Not just for your family, either. Your friends might be suffering and feeling slighted, too.
    Twitter: giftieetcetera

    Reply
  9. Dorothy Boucher says

    October 27, 2015 at 6:23 pm

    I know some people are going to think I am crazy but I guess I was like this and I recently said enough is enough, everyone is paying more attention to there phones than to each other.. I gave my phone up,, no more.. I want to talk , I will talk with a cup of tea or coffee with you, not through a device..
    Twitter: tisonlyme143

    Reply
  10. Evelyn Hubbard says

    October 27, 2015 at 10:36 pm

    Great article! I never knew there was a name for it, and it suits it well. I try my best not to do it when with company, if I have something important I must attend to then I do it quickly or wait if it’ll take too long. I usually have my phone on silent. I once dated someone who would visit people and sit on his phone the entire time while I talked to the people we were visiting. I thought it was so rude! There’s a reason I’m not with him anymore hehe.
    Twitter: serotonin11

    Reply
  11. Jagriti Aanand says

    October 14, 2016 at 11:26 am

    Hi Deb,

    Completely agree on this post. Stop Phubbing to increase bonding between family members .Our family and friends are greatest gift of our life . To strengthen our relationship,it is really necessary to respond by looking at them and acknowledging them . Excess of everything is bad -in this case our smartphones

    Reply

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