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Why I Still Recommend Parent Effectiveness Training (40 Years Later)

May 21, 2015 By Deb Chitwood 4 Comments

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In 1975, I read Parent Effectiveness Training by psychologist Dr. Thomas Gordon. 40 years later, I’m still recommending the Parent Effectiveness Training book. Why? Because it works … and it works well with Montessori principles.

Why I Still Recommend Parent Effectiveness Training (40 Years Later)

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links (at no cost to you). This is NOT a sponsored post. I just believe in Parent Effectiveness Training and feel it’s something that can be helpful for all parents.

Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children

 

I was excited to learn the techniques from the Parent Effectiveness Training book as a preschool teacher in 1975. I recommended the book to many parents as a Montessori teacher, I used the techniques with my own children, and I’m continuing to recommend the book today.

Here’s why:

  • Parent Effectiveness Training uses proven communication techniques based on the work of Carl Rogers. Active listening techniques have been used for years in counselor/client relationships, and Parent Effectiveness Training gives parents the opportunity to learn the same techniques. (I was lucky that my husband, who was a Jungian psychotherapist, was already trained in these techniques and naturally used them with our children.)
  • Respect for the child is an important part of both Parent Effectiveness Training and Montessori education.
  • Using Parent Effectiveness Training’s I-Messages helps both parent and child learn to communicate without blaming the other.
  • Like Montessori education, Parent Effectiveness Training doesn’t use rewards or punishments.
  • Parent Effectiveness Training’s No-Lose Method of Conflict Resolution is positive for both parents and children. It also helps children take a more active role in developing rules and ultimately self-discipline. It has similarities to Montessori’s concepts of peace education and conflict resolution.
  • Parent Effectiveness Training techniques worked for me as a teacher and as a parent. As a parent, I loved that, because of the habit of having open and honest discussions from the time they were toddlers, my kids didn’t go through teen rebellion. They were able to talk through any problems with my husband and me, and we were always able to find a solution.

You can read more about my family’s discipline methods and Parent Effectiveness Training in these posts at Living Montessori Now:

  • Is Spanking Necessary? My Answer from Experience Is a Definitive NO
  • How We Used Gentle Discipline in Our Homeschool

In addition to Parent Training, Gordon Training International offers Leadership Training, Sales Training, and Conflict Resolution Training. There’s also a Parent Effectiveness Training, P.E.T. Facebook page with lots of interesting articles.

You can buy Parent Effectiveness Training from Amazon or Book Depository (with free worldwide delivery). There’s also a Teacher Effectiveness Training book.

Note: During the toddler and preschool years especially, I like to use logical consequences along with Parent Effectiveness Training techniques. I always used principles consistent with “a Montessori approach to discipline.” As my kids grew older, Parent Effectiveness Techniques became the primary method I used. If you’d like to know more about using logical consequences, I also recommend this book (also Montessori compatible) by Amy McCready:

If I Have to Tell You One More Time...The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding, or YellingYou can find a review of If I Have to Tell You One More Time…The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling at my Living Montessori Now blog.

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Montessori at Home or School - How to Teach Grace and Courtesy eBookLearn more about my eBook Montessori at Home or School: How to. Teach Grace and Courtesy!

Photo Credit: Photo by Nadezhda Prokudina.

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Filed Under: Book Reviews, Parents' Role Tagged With: active listening, conflict resolution, discipline, I-Messages, P.E.T., Parent Effectiveness Training, Thomas Gordon

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. melanie says

    July 20, 2015 at 7:56 pm

    My daughter was born in 1975. She was beautiful and brilliant. She did after all end up with two masters degrees. But no one would babysit her. We were in England with the military when she was three and they offered the PET class for free. We thought why not! The best thing we learned out of the class was her problems or ours. For example when she was school age she was not so good at being on time. But when I did not rush around and push her and she was late she was the one with the consequences. Now she is always early everywhere she goes! No rebellious teens. Her brother, born in 1981, had a completely different personality and the PET was not at applicable to him.

    Reply
  2. Hill Elelliot says

    September 25, 2015 at 12:17 am

    Yes, Effectiveness Training is still good now, and I dont think I will be stopped in near future becuase of its benefits

    Reply
  3. Pamela Chollet says

    September 26, 2015 at 8:25 pm

    My father told me, “having a child isa lifetime commitment”. He was so right. When people talk about , “effective” parenting I know they mean ,”responsible”but other ways you can describe “effective” are, powerful, practiced, prepared and ( my favorite) up to snuff. We want are children to grown into resilient adults who are capable of managing life’s events and changes. Guiding, not dictating and instilling core values and beliefs. Through our parenting our children witness first hand the true meaning of loving commitment and responsibility. Parenting is a gift and the role should be treasured.

    Reply
  4. Hunter says

    October 21, 2017 at 3:44 pm

    I love that parents who want to be the best parent they can be can find resources to help! This is fantastic! Thank you!

    Reply

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