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Talking with Children about Cancer

October 24, 2014 By Deb Chitwood 4 Comments

Previous article: Getting Kids Involved in Breast Cancer Awareness Month
Next article: Get YOURSELF Ready for the Holidays with a 30-Day Challenge
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There isn’t an easy way to deal with cancer, whether it’s early-stage, curable cancer or terminal cancer. And cancer is difficult for everyone who loves someone with cancer.

Talking with Children about CancerOctober is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, although most of these ideas can relate to any type of cancer. I want to share some tips today for talking with children about cancer.

I’ll write as if you’re the one with cancer, although the ideas will be much the same if you’re talking with your child about a close relative or someone else they love who has cancer.

Tips for Talking with Children about Cancer

Plan when to tell your children.

This is an extremely difficult and important conversation, so it’s important to decide when to talk with your children. You typically will want to wait a bit until you’ve had time to work through some of the emotional intensity you’re feeling.

It’s important to be honest, but this is a topic that can require careful planning to avoid upsetting your children during an important event or holiday if possible. Sometimes, you can’t avoid upsetting your children at an especially bad time for them, but it’s nice to plan it out if you do have the choice. Of course, your children will want to hear about your cancer from you before they hear about it from someone else.

Have someone there to help support you in your talk.

If you don’t have a spouse to help you, maybe you have a relative or friend who could be with you for this conversation. If you have adult children who need to be told over the phone or via Skype, it’s helpful if your spouse or another person can be on the phone or Skype with you.

Having someone with you can be especially helpful if certain parts of the discussion become too emotional for you. It’s also helpful for your children to see there’s someone else supporting both you and them during your fight against cancer.

Tell your children about the treatment plan as honestly as possible in an age-appropriate way.

Be sure that your children know cancer isn’t contagious.

Answer your children’s questions. If you have to go through chemotherapy and will lose your hair, it’s important to tell even young children so that they don’t become frightened by the change in your appearance. Also, it helps if your children know certain changes are simply part of the treatment plan so they don’t imagine that your situation is worse than it is. As calmly as possible, try to discuss some of the changes they’ll see in your appearance and general health. Also talk about some of the changes they’ll experience in your and their daily routines.

Read relevant books about cancer to young children.

When my children were little, I always found it helpful to read books to them when we were discussing difficult topics.

*Amazon affiliate* I recommend finding children’s books about cancer that are as closely related to your health situation as possible. You can read reviews and book sample to see if the book seems to be a good fit for your family.

Cancer Books for Kids

Try to give your children hope and reassurance.

Try to focus on the positives, on the hope that the doctors will be able to cure you. You still want to be honest, but it’s helpful for your children if you can tell them the positives and why you have hope.

Of course, tell your children you love them. Hugs and other physical affection are especially important at this time.

If possible, find ways to let your children feel helpful.

If it’s someone other than yourself who has cancer, maybe you could help your children make a “10 Things I Love About You” book.

Your children could pray for you or whoever has cancer.

Don’t be afraid to let your children help you when you’re going through treatment.

In honor of yourself or someone close to your children, your children might like to get involved in a cancer cause. Maybe your children would like to participate in a cancer fundraiser, such as the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. My mom, a breast cancer survivor, has a daughter (me) through to a 1-year-old great granddaughter participating in her honor on November 2 as part of the Fabulous Chitwood Ladies Team.

Keep talking.

It’s important to continue talking with your children throughout and after treatment. Maybe your children would like to draw pictures or keep a journal to express their feelings. Allow your children to feel sad or angry about your cancer, and let them know they can talk to you when they feel sad or angry. Whatever helps your family work through emotions or feel like you’re working together as a team is helpful. If you communicate honestly and work together as a family, you could give your children strength and ways to cope that will help them throughout life.

BreastCancer.org has a helpful article with answers to questions: “Talking with Kids about Breast Cancer.”

This article from Living Beyond Breast Cancer has helpful suggestions for specific age groups: “Talking with Children about Breast Cancer.”

I’d love to hear what’s worked well for you in talking about cancer with your children.

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Previous article: Getting Kids Involved in Breast Cancer Awareness Month
Next article: Get YOURSELF Ready for the Holidays with a 30-Day Challenge

Filed Under: Encouragement, Parents' Role Tagged With: Breast Cancer Awareness Month, getting kids involved in Breast Cancer Awareness Month, make a difference, Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, talking with children about breast cancer, talking with children about cancer

Previous Post: « Getting Kids Involved in Breast Cancer Awareness Month
Next Post: Get YOURSELF Ready for the Holidays with a 30-Day Challenge »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Sonia says

    January 9, 2015 at 1:30 am

    My friend’s daughter got much terrified and emotionally upset on knowing that her mother has breast cancer. She had to be taken to a psychotherapist to make her feel normal again.

    Reply
  2. Cancereffects says

    June 18, 2015 at 10:24 am

    As Rafael (a cancer survivor) said once, “there is no best way to tell loved ones about cancer diagnosis, but a better way”. “Honey i have cancer” is hurtful to say and hear.
    It is even more challenging to tell children. Yet, you cannot hind the truth.

    Everyone is different and deal with bad news differently. I have one of my little cousins who laughed when she learned her mom has died from AIDS; yet her sister cried bitterly… It does not mean the one who laughed did not love her mom; it was just an emotion.

    As mentioned in this article, use all possible loving tactic and expect any thing. Cancer may hurt us, or even take our life, but it cannot take the love we have for our children away.

    Love and Healing for all Breast cancer fighters in the world!

    Reply
  3. Anita says

    September 18, 2015 at 4:22 am

    They will be emotionally broken down after on knowing that some one close to heart has breast cancer that is time you should strong and support them.

    Reply
  4. Ameen says

    October 31, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    One of my friend’s daughter had cancer and it was very difficult for her to convey that to her daughter.She asked my kind help and me and some of my other friends gathered together and planned a way to convey her positively.This post had helped us a lot to get an idea of how to convey.We choose a bright day of her life and conveyed her about her disease.We also guaranteed her recovery and that made her very happy.She was not upset to hear about the disease rather she was very confident to face the disease.

    Reply

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